Read log lines for my finished work below. If anything sparks your interest, email me and I'd be happy to send you a PDF.
All scripts registered with the Writers Guild of America West and copyrighted.
All scripts registered with the Writers Guild of America West and copyrighted.
SCREENPLAYS
Kristin & Jenna
Two female stand up comedians cross dress as dudes to prove women can be just as funny as men...but soon their male alter-egos take over their success. "Some Like It Hot" meets "Bridesmaids."
Ray's Travels Through Happiness
A Feel Good Comedy about a boy trying to kill himself. A young man meets a girl on the suicide hotline and they fall in love, but he doesn't know she's terminally ill.
* Won GRAND PRIZE for the 2013 Screenplay Search Competition
I'm Old, So Kill Me
"Superbad" with senior citizens. After an old man loses his wife, his friends in his retirement home try to get him laid. And he tries to find love again at the age of eighty-eight.
* Nominated for the 2010 WGA Michael Collyer Fellowship
* 2010 BlueCat Screenplay Competition Semi-Finalist
Accidental Joy
Frank Hates Kids, and has always been grateful for the painful accident that made him sterile. But to save his marriage, he's forced to adopt Louie, a 9-year old vulgar brat from Frank's worst nightmares. After a God awful week, Frank's wife leaves him and he's stuck with the kid. "Role Models" meets "Big Daddy"
I Went to Hell and I Liked It
A romantic comedy that takes place in Hell. After 14-year old Tom dies saving a kid, he's accidently sent from Heaven into Hell. He meets Kristina, the love of his after-life and road trips through Hell with his Uncle Raymond, Walter Matthau, and Lizzie Borden. He must reach the brink of Hell in 6 days to access Heaven before his interview with The Devil.
Romantically Hopeless
Ricky was in love with the perfect girl, until she cheated on him with his douchebag cousin. Billy gets every woman he likes into the 'friend zone.' And Emilio is convinced e-haromy doesn't work, because every girl stops e-mailing him after they can see his picture. They're all sick of being single. Now the douchebag and Ricky's ex-girlfriend are geting married. So they make a pact to find "the one" in 3 weeks, and bring them to the wedding, just to spite the bride and groom.
Dick Smashers
"Shawn of the Dead" meets "Zombieland." After a hyper-addictive zombie drug spreads across America, four backsliding drug addicts fight they're way to safety and try to develop an anecdote to stop the zombie apocalypse. But instead of zombies eating brains, these zombies kick people in the nuts! Co-written with Adam Strange.
Scout HARD
A family comedy written in mind for Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler. Ben and Adam battle against their town's boy scouts troop after scout leader Danny McBride won't let their kids in. So with help from creepy neighbor Zach Galifinakis, they create their own troop of misfit kids...but have no idea how to properly teach educational lessons to children. Co-written with Thomas Tilley
Rock N' Roll My Life Away
Five years after an indie rock band loses their lead singer, the last song they ever recorded becomes an international hit. Their drummer struggles to get his old band mates back together, find a new singer, and record a new album. But he forgot all the problems, drugs, and bad blood they had.
The One That Got Away
Months before his wedding, Jesse, is settling down with his fiance and a career he really doesn't want. He wishes he was marrying his college girlfriend, Kayla. Not knowing that Kayla feels the exact same way. Two weeks before Kayla's wedding, the universe brings them together again.
Two female stand up comedians cross dress as dudes to prove women can be just as funny as men...but soon their male alter-egos take over their success. "Some Like It Hot" meets "Bridesmaids."
Ray's Travels Through Happiness
A Feel Good Comedy about a boy trying to kill himself. A young man meets a girl on the suicide hotline and they fall in love, but he doesn't know she's terminally ill.
* Won GRAND PRIZE for the 2013 Screenplay Search Competition
I'm Old, So Kill Me
"Superbad" with senior citizens. After an old man loses his wife, his friends in his retirement home try to get him laid. And he tries to find love again at the age of eighty-eight.
* Nominated for the 2010 WGA Michael Collyer Fellowship
* 2010 BlueCat Screenplay Competition Semi-Finalist
Accidental Joy
Frank Hates Kids, and has always been grateful for the painful accident that made him sterile. But to save his marriage, he's forced to adopt Louie, a 9-year old vulgar brat from Frank's worst nightmares. After a God awful week, Frank's wife leaves him and he's stuck with the kid. "Role Models" meets "Big Daddy"
I Went to Hell and I Liked It
A romantic comedy that takes place in Hell. After 14-year old Tom dies saving a kid, he's accidently sent from Heaven into Hell. He meets Kristina, the love of his after-life and road trips through Hell with his Uncle Raymond, Walter Matthau, and Lizzie Borden. He must reach the brink of Hell in 6 days to access Heaven before his interview with The Devil.
Romantically Hopeless
Ricky was in love with the perfect girl, until she cheated on him with his douchebag cousin. Billy gets every woman he likes into the 'friend zone.' And Emilio is convinced e-haromy doesn't work, because every girl stops e-mailing him after they can see his picture. They're all sick of being single. Now the douchebag and Ricky's ex-girlfriend are geting married. So they make a pact to find "the one" in 3 weeks, and bring them to the wedding, just to spite the bride and groom.
Dick Smashers
"Shawn of the Dead" meets "Zombieland." After a hyper-addictive zombie drug spreads across America, four backsliding drug addicts fight they're way to safety and try to develop an anecdote to stop the zombie apocalypse. But instead of zombies eating brains, these zombies kick people in the nuts! Co-written with Adam Strange.
Scout HARD
A family comedy written in mind for Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler. Ben and Adam battle against their town's boy scouts troop after scout leader Danny McBride won't let their kids in. So with help from creepy neighbor Zach Galifinakis, they create their own troop of misfit kids...but have no idea how to properly teach educational lessons to children. Co-written with Thomas Tilley
Rock N' Roll My Life Away
Five years after an indie rock band loses their lead singer, the last song they ever recorded becomes an international hit. Their drummer struggles to get his old band mates back together, find a new singer, and record a new album. But he forgot all the problems, drugs, and bad blood they had.
The One That Got Away
Months before his wedding, Jesse, is settling down with his fiance and a career he really doesn't want. He wishes he was marrying his college girlfriend, Kayla. Not knowing that Kayla feels the exact same way. Two weeks before Kayla's wedding, the universe brings them together again.
TV
The Accidents "Pilot" (produced)
An original comedy pilot about four half-brothers with different dads, because their mom is really slutty. Bobby and his wife fight after their first son is born, because they accidently name him Adolf. Carlos has a crush on one of his customers and asks Joseph for help to try to win her over. Danny tries to convince a girl he like likes, that he's not into dudes, because she assumes he's gay. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" meets "30 Rock."
* Produced by David Rzeszutek, Dan Goodell, and SVSU Entertainment March - May 2011
The Reality Network "Pilot"
A half hour spoof that pokes fun of every reality show out there. Every episode is made of two 15-minute sketches that are a tribute/ridicule to reality TV . Watch the promo trailer on youtube.
Whiteey the Polar Bear "Pilot"
A cartoon about a bad ass polar bear who talks like Michael Clark Duncan. After trouble with the mob, Whiteey goes to prison where his guardian angel, Foxey the Fox, visits him and tells him he's lost his chance of getting into heaven. Whiteey really wants to have sex with Foxey, and of course not go to hell. So he starts doing good for all the bad he's done wrong. Co-written with Steve LaRue.
30ROCK "The Birds, Bees, & How To Get It On with Tracy Jordan"
Tracy refuses permission to let his son, George Foreman, take a sex ed class. So instead Tracy makes an educational film teaching kids about the birds, the bees, and how to get it on. After 15 years, Liz confronts the man who took away her virginity. Jenna battles the bagel shop across from NBC, because she's convinced the bagels are intentionally taking attention away from her.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "Charlie Becomes Gay"
When no women on earth want to date Charlie, he decides to try out a gay bar and became a homosexual. Frank goes along for the ride and is unknowingly seduced into being an old man's baby spoon. Mac and Dennis hit and run someone with Dee's new car. Dee plots a killer revenge with the hit and run victim.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "The Gang Finds Carl Weathers Poo"
The Gang finds a nugget of poo in the woman's bathroom that is the exact image of Carl Weathers (circa Apollo Creed). They exploit it at Paddy's Pub to get rich quick. Frank gets a makeover that makes him look like Fat Elvis.
Parks and Recreation "Kids Talent Show"
When the Pawnee after-school program collapses (literally), Leslie decides to have the Parks department watch some kids for a week that will culminate in a super fun talent show. Ben and Leslie and April and Andy discuss the possibility of having their own children. Co-written w/ Paige Devitt.
Up All Night "The Waterbed"
After breaking their bed with Amy, Chris is swindled into buying a waterbed and tries to convince Reagan how cool it is. Chris refuses to take it back even though he secretly hates it too. Reagan convinces Ava to do a show about sleeping to prove a point how much waterbeds suck, but things go horribly horribly wrong and become really sexual really fast.
Two and a Half Men "Charlie After Drugs"
After Charlie loses his job and comes back from rehab, he fights with Alan, because he wants to go back to being an alcoholic. And without permission, Jake signs Charlie up to give a speech for his class D.A.R.E. ceremony.
Bob's Burgers "April Fools Day"
Bob and Linda fear for their lives when Louise celebrates her favorite holiday. Based on every horrible prank since the year she was born, the entire town prepares for the worst. Co-written with Matthew Landon.
SpongeBob Squarepants "SpongeBob Loves Sandy"
Spongebob buys Sandy an engagement ring and pops the question for April Squirrel's Day. She initially says no, because she's a squirrel and he's a sponge, things could never work out, but Spongebob shows her how true love conquers all. Plankton finally finds out the secret ingredient to Krabby Patty's...it's plankton.
Co-written with TJ Amick.
The Life & Times of Tim "Tim Gives To Semen Hut"
Tim makes a deposit at a sperm bank to buy Amy an expensive birthday present, but doesn't tell her how he paid for it. Weeks later, she finds out when the sperm bank calls asking for their money back, because nobody wants Tim's offspring.
Sanford and Son "Lamont Dates an Asian"
Fred has another heart attack when he finds out Lamont, that big dummy, is dating a Chinese women. He flips out until she comes over for dinner, and Fred is introduced to a whole new Asian world. He has herbal tea that cures his Alzheimer's, has homemade chinese food, and sees Lamont suffer a karate injury. Later with help from Grady and Bubba, Fred tries to find an Asian woman for himself.
An original comedy pilot about four half-brothers with different dads, because their mom is really slutty. Bobby and his wife fight after their first son is born, because they accidently name him Adolf. Carlos has a crush on one of his customers and asks Joseph for help to try to win her over. Danny tries to convince a girl he like likes, that he's not into dudes, because she assumes he's gay. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" meets "30 Rock."
* Produced by David Rzeszutek, Dan Goodell, and SVSU Entertainment March - May 2011
The Reality Network "Pilot"
A half hour spoof that pokes fun of every reality show out there. Every episode is made of two 15-minute sketches that are a tribute/ridicule to reality TV . Watch the promo trailer on youtube.
Whiteey the Polar Bear "Pilot"
A cartoon about a bad ass polar bear who talks like Michael Clark Duncan. After trouble with the mob, Whiteey goes to prison where his guardian angel, Foxey the Fox, visits him and tells him he's lost his chance of getting into heaven. Whiteey really wants to have sex with Foxey, and of course not go to hell. So he starts doing good for all the bad he's done wrong. Co-written with Steve LaRue.
30ROCK "The Birds, Bees, & How To Get It On with Tracy Jordan"
Tracy refuses permission to let his son, George Foreman, take a sex ed class. So instead Tracy makes an educational film teaching kids about the birds, the bees, and how to get it on. After 15 years, Liz confronts the man who took away her virginity. Jenna battles the bagel shop across from NBC, because she's convinced the bagels are intentionally taking attention away from her.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "Charlie Becomes Gay"
When no women on earth want to date Charlie, he decides to try out a gay bar and became a homosexual. Frank goes along for the ride and is unknowingly seduced into being an old man's baby spoon. Mac and Dennis hit and run someone with Dee's new car. Dee plots a killer revenge with the hit and run victim.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "The Gang Finds Carl Weathers Poo"
The Gang finds a nugget of poo in the woman's bathroom that is the exact image of Carl Weathers (circa Apollo Creed). They exploit it at Paddy's Pub to get rich quick. Frank gets a makeover that makes him look like Fat Elvis.
Parks and Recreation "Kids Talent Show"
When the Pawnee after-school program collapses (literally), Leslie decides to have the Parks department watch some kids for a week that will culminate in a super fun talent show. Ben and Leslie and April and Andy discuss the possibility of having their own children. Co-written w/ Paige Devitt.
Up All Night "The Waterbed"
After breaking their bed with Amy, Chris is swindled into buying a waterbed and tries to convince Reagan how cool it is. Chris refuses to take it back even though he secretly hates it too. Reagan convinces Ava to do a show about sleeping to prove a point how much waterbeds suck, but things go horribly horribly wrong and become really sexual really fast.
Two and a Half Men "Charlie After Drugs"
After Charlie loses his job and comes back from rehab, he fights with Alan, because he wants to go back to being an alcoholic. And without permission, Jake signs Charlie up to give a speech for his class D.A.R.E. ceremony.
Bob's Burgers "April Fools Day"
Bob and Linda fear for their lives when Louise celebrates her favorite holiday. Based on every horrible prank since the year she was born, the entire town prepares for the worst. Co-written with Matthew Landon.
SpongeBob Squarepants "SpongeBob Loves Sandy"
Spongebob buys Sandy an engagement ring and pops the question for April Squirrel's Day. She initially says no, because she's a squirrel and he's a sponge, things could never work out, but Spongebob shows her how true love conquers all. Plankton finally finds out the secret ingredient to Krabby Patty's...it's plankton.
Co-written with TJ Amick.
The Life & Times of Tim "Tim Gives To Semen Hut"
Tim makes a deposit at a sperm bank to buy Amy an expensive birthday present, but doesn't tell her how he paid for it. Weeks later, she finds out when the sperm bank calls asking for their money back, because nobody wants Tim's offspring.
Sanford and Son "Lamont Dates an Asian"
Fred has another heart attack when he finds out Lamont, that big dummy, is dating a Chinese women. He flips out until she comes over for dinner, and Fred is introduced to a whole new Asian world. He has herbal tea that cures his Alzheimer's, has homemade chinese food, and sees Lamont suffer a karate injury. Later with help from Grady and Bubba, Fred tries to find an Asian woman for himself.
WEB SERIES
Orville vs. Pedro
In the style of Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd. Two rivals make everything a competition constantly one upping each other.
Co-created with Matthew Landon.
SEASON 1 (on YouTube)
"Basketball"
"Drinking Contest"
"Crushing"
"Knife Trick"
"Water Fight"
"Election"
"Homeless"
"Stealing"
"Apology"
"Breathless"
Unemployed Adventures of Drew & Alejandro
In this broken down economy, two twenty-somethings do anything they can to pay their rent without actually getting real jobs. Drew, a scrawny, nebbishy, Canadian, and Alejandro, his crazy, questionably ethnic roommate have five days to make $900. They always find a way to make money, then always find a way to lose it.
And Drew always gets shit on. Co-created with Ryan Curtis.
In Production. Directed by Ryan Curtis.
Ep. 1 "Street Musicians"
Drew and Alejandro start a band and find a group of young children for an audience, but Drew finds out that all of Alejandro's lyrics are about doing it.
Ep. 2 "Drew the Craiglsit Hooker"
Without his permission, Alejandro signs Drew up to be a Craigslist hooker. Drew falls into a trap with an enormous black man named Tiny.
Ep. 3 "Lemonade Stand"
Our heroes build a lemonade stand for Alejandro's Bible Study group, but Aljandro makes Hard Lemonade and several nuns and church goers get wasted.
Ep. 4 "Gay Sperm Bank"
Alijandro tricks Drew into making a donation to the only sperm bank in L.A. that actively recruits gay and bisexual sperm donors.
Ep. 5 "The Fugitive"
On the F.B.I.s list of America's Most Weird Ass Criminals, #2, looks exactly like Drew and has $50,000 reward. So Alejandro tries to prove to the F.B.I. that Drew is their fugitive.
Awkward Situations of Jack
A web series about the average man who constantly fails at life. Every episode is a scene in Jack's life which is extremely uncomfortable for him.
In the style of Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd. Two rivals make everything a competition constantly one upping each other.
Co-created with Matthew Landon.
SEASON 1 (on YouTube)
"Basketball"
"Drinking Contest"
"Crushing"
"Knife Trick"
"Water Fight"
"Election"
"Homeless"
"Stealing"
"Apology"
"Breathless"
Unemployed Adventures of Drew & Alejandro
In this broken down economy, two twenty-somethings do anything they can to pay their rent without actually getting real jobs. Drew, a scrawny, nebbishy, Canadian, and Alejandro, his crazy, questionably ethnic roommate have five days to make $900. They always find a way to make money, then always find a way to lose it.
And Drew always gets shit on. Co-created with Ryan Curtis.
In Production. Directed by Ryan Curtis.
Ep. 1 "Street Musicians"
Drew and Alejandro start a band and find a group of young children for an audience, but Drew finds out that all of Alejandro's lyrics are about doing it.
Ep. 2 "Drew the Craiglsit Hooker"
Without his permission, Alejandro signs Drew up to be a Craigslist hooker. Drew falls into a trap with an enormous black man named Tiny.
Ep. 3 "Lemonade Stand"
Our heroes build a lemonade stand for Alejandro's Bible Study group, but Aljandro makes Hard Lemonade and several nuns and church goers get wasted.
Ep. 4 "Gay Sperm Bank"
Alijandro tricks Drew into making a donation to the only sperm bank in L.A. that actively recruits gay and bisexual sperm donors.
Ep. 5 "The Fugitive"
On the F.B.I.s list of America's Most Weird Ass Criminals, #2, looks exactly like Drew and has $50,000 reward. So Alejandro tries to prove to the F.B.I. that Drew is their fugitive.
Awkward Situations of Jack
A web series about the average man who constantly fails at life. Every episode is a scene in Jack's life which is extremely uncomfortable for him.
PLAYS
Because You're Just Too Ugly
At his birthday party, a man gets dumped by his girlfriend, because he's uglier than she is. His friends try to cheer him up, but also make him realize that his face really is hideous.
* Winner of the 2009 Buffalo Festival of Dionysus. Also won "Audience's Favorite Character" and "Most Creative."
College Or Something Like It
A play dealing with the awkward issues of College life.
The Penis Apologies
A comedy made up of a varying number of monologues read by a varying number of men. Every monologue somehow relates to the penis, be it through sex, love, puberty, birth, orgasm, how to properly name it, or simply as a physical aspect of the body. A recurring theme throughout the piece is the penis as a tool of male empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality.
Drunken' Brotherhood
The story of four drinking buddies with their own problems. But through thick and thin, they always have each other.
At his birthday party, a man gets dumped by his girlfriend, because he's uglier than she is. His friends try to cheer him up, but also make him realize that his face really is hideous.
* Winner of the 2009 Buffalo Festival of Dionysus. Also won "Audience's Favorite Character" and "Most Creative."
College Or Something Like It
A play dealing with the awkward issues of College life.
The Penis Apologies
A comedy made up of a varying number of monologues read by a varying number of men. Every monologue somehow relates to the penis, be it through sex, love, puberty, birth, orgasm, how to properly name it, or simply as a physical aspect of the body. A recurring theme throughout the piece is the penis as a tool of male empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality.
Drunken' Brotherhood
The story of four drinking buddies with their own problems. But through thick and thin, they always have each other.
SHORT FILMS (Available on YouTube)
Nun Slut
A slutty nun finds out she’s pregnant and has an adventure trying to find out who the father is.
The Family Video Experience
On his third date, a man tries to rent “Little Miss Sunshine” from his local video store, and is wrongly accused and asked to pay a late fee for “Little Ladies Big Bossoms”
The Physical
A man suffers a physical that doesn’t seem to end and becomes more awkward by the second.
Break Up With Me Dammit!
Three months before their wedding, Andrew and Lisa realize they can't stand each other. So they concoct devious plans to piss each other off and make the other person break them up. Featuring the cast of FNL and original music by Middleman.
*Shown at the 2009 Buffalo Infringement Festival.
The Making of Break Up With Me Dammit!
A sneak peak into the short film "Break Up With Me Dammit!"
I'm 21, Gimme a Beer
Four 18-year olds try to get fake IDs to see John Stamos at a bar, but none of the IDs they receive look anything like them.
*Shown at the 2009 Buffalo Infringement Festival
How I Lost My Girlfriend
The story of how Jeff lost his girlfriend.
One F*cked Up Christmas Carol
The Ghost of Christmas Black, Christmas Mexican, Christmas Future. and Ghost of Halloween visit Ebenezer Scrooge during the night to try to change his ways before Tiny Tim dies of AIDS.
Box of Riddles
A homeless man tells the future of a depressed business man through riddles.
* Award winning short film for the 2008 48 Hour Film Project.
The Girl
In an office full of guys, a woman starts a new job and every man competes for her affection.
A slutty nun finds out she’s pregnant and has an adventure trying to find out who the father is.
The Family Video Experience
On his third date, a man tries to rent “Little Miss Sunshine” from his local video store, and is wrongly accused and asked to pay a late fee for “Little Ladies Big Bossoms”
The Physical
A man suffers a physical that doesn’t seem to end and becomes more awkward by the second.
Break Up With Me Dammit!
Three months before their wedding, Andrew and Lisa realize they can't stand each other. So they concoct devious plans to piss each other off and make the other person break them up. Featuring the cast of FNL and original music by Middleman.
*Shown at the 2009 Buffalo Infringement Festival.
The Making of Break Up With Me Dammit!
A sneak peak into the short film "Break Up With Me Dammit!"
I'm 21, Gimme a Beer
Four 18-year olds try to get fake IDs to see John Stamos at a bar, but none of the IDs they receive look anything like them.
*Shown at the 2009 Buffalo Infringement Festival
How I Lost My Girlfriend
The story of how Jeff lost his girlfriend.
One F*cked Up Christmas Carol
The Ghost of Christmas Black, Christmas Mexican, Christmas Future. and Ghost of Halloween visit Ebenezer Scrooge during the night to try to change his ways before Tiny Tim dies of AIDS.
Box of Riddles
A homeless man tells the future of a depressed business man through riddles.
* Award winning short film for the 2008 48 Hour Film Project.
The Girl
In an office full of guys, a woman starts a new job and every man competes for her affection.
SKETCHES
F*ck Reality TV
Demonstrating how Ridiculous Reality TV is.
New I-phone Apps
A commercial demonstrating how ridiculous apps have become. And introducing new apps, like the "When You Have to Take Your Next Shit App" "When Grandma Kicks The Bucket App" and the "Should We Have An Abortion? App"
ShamChow!
A spoof on ShamWOW!
Inappropriate Presidential Debate
Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Joe Biden get asked all the questions you shouldn't ask.
Fat Ass 90x
A spoof of the "P90x" system, but instead of teaching people how to be healthy, this teaches anorexic girls how to be lethargic
Demonstrating how Ridiculous Reality TV is.
New I-phone Apps
A commercial demonstrating how ridiculous apps have become. And introducing new apps, like the "When You Have to Take Your Next Shit App" "When Grandma Kicks The Bucket App" and the "Should We Have An Abortion? App"
ShamChow!
A spoof on ShamWOW!
Inappropriate Presidential Debate
Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Joe Biden get asked all the questions you shouldn't ask.
Fat Ass 90x
A spoof of the "P90x" system, but instead of teaching people how to be healthy, this teaches anorexic girls how to be lethargic
All scripts registered with the Writers Guild of America west and copyrighted with the library of congress